You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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