Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
