new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
