did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
