We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
