when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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