My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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