Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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