Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
