Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
