Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize