I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
