You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
