just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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