12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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