He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
