marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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