She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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