The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize