Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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