Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
