so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
