I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
