We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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