If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
