Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
