Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
