you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't turn off my feet"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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