My friends, they love my intelligence
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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