I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
