just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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