i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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