wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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