Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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