Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
