Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Shame - the story of my life.
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