Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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