I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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