is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
