he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
