I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
