At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
