I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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