just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
