2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
