No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
