oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
