I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Even my vagina gasped.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
