I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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