hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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