His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize