But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
