He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
