Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
