he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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