there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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