Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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