Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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