he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
