So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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