Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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