And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
