Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
