so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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