Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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