i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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