Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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