I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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