Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
