Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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