I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
farters have to be the big spoon...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
