do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
