It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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