Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
