what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
